Heatstroke (extended version) by Taylor V. Donovan

Author:Taylor V. Donovan [Donovan, Taylor V.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Nine

July 6, 1965

For years I have listened to what Benjamin has to say. For years I have solicited and often taken his advice. He is

a close friend; older and wiser than me. He's managed to build a successful career and survive in this town. He has

different tastes and needs that he's kept satisfied for years without ever having any eyebrows raised at him, and his

reputation has never been fodder for gossip in a place that seems to live for it.

I always thought he had all the answers, and not once did I stop to consider that maybe we want different things

out of life. I should have.

For the first time since meeting Benjamin I find myself wishing that I hadn't paid attention to the ideas he put in

my mind. By taking a wife and pretending that I'm not a homosexual man I have surrendered to the kind of false life

that disgusted me so much in the past.

I have also relinquished my dreams of a future with the person I love, and the biggest joy I've ever known.

In return, I get to watch Manny play his game and live his life in a safe way.

I know I should be outside in the garden; standing next to my bride and greeting everyone that came to celebrate

this day with us. But here I am instead: hiding in my studio and trying to come to terms with the enormity of what

I've done. July 25, 1965

I saw Manny outside the studio today. I came out, and there he was; his midnight eyes watching me from across the

street. He looked so tired. He wasn't too close, but I could tell he's lost weight. He was unshaven, too. Manny never

goes unshaven. He says a face as handsome as his needs to be shown. I totally agree. But he was unshaven and his

clothes were disheveled… Lord, he looked wretched.

He took a few steps forward but stopped right before crossing the street. There he waited and waited… I didn't go

to him. I didn't dare. I've missed him too much… wanted him too much… I knew I wouldn't be able to refrain from

touching him. People would've seen, and my sacrifice would have been in vain.

He was still waiting when I got in my car and drove away from him.

August 30, 1965

Mary Elizabeth hasn't had any problems adapting to Hollywood's lifestyle. She loves the parties and the

glamour; being catered to and receiving special treatment. She especially likes our luxurious house and cars, and the

clothes and jewelry I've given her as presents. She enjoys dressing up, and sometimes upstages the most popular actresses

in the business.

She has made friends with which she spends all her time. They go out every day. I don't know where to, nor do I

care. I'm just grateful her presence has put to rest all those rumors that a few months ago could have cost Manny his

life.

September 9, 1965

I went to see Manny play today. He's had an excellent year and I wanted to be there for him, even if I'm not.

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